I had a massive reminder today about why I’m going down this path as a writer and a paranormal investigator and as a medium. This website sparked from my desire to have a place to share the stories of the spirits who choose to interact with me. So often these stories are simple and nothing more than an exchange and other times they are full of great information and details and I share as much as I can. But I’m not just here to only share things that I have “evidence” for. I’ve been told by other investigators that I can find all the answers to my questions on historical people or places online or with a historical society or through archives, but the truth is, that is not always the case.
In our modern world, so much has gone digital with more information moving there every day. We are living in a time now in which you have to be connected to the internet in some way for research to be fruitful: social media, online obituaries, available digital records (census mostly). The biggest one of note is an online obituary. We used to be able to look back at newspapers (digitized or physical) and see obituaries. We thought that everyone had an obituary and one would think that today it would be even easier.
But, even with that modern convenience, people still slip through the cracks of modern recorded history when they pass. Not everyone gets a published newspaper obituary or an online obituary on a funeral home website. Not everyone is honored in their death, despite having people around them who love them. It’s also difficult to get death certificates for the recently deceased unless you are family and requires a great deal of starting data to work with. I know this, because I’ve had to deal with quite a few death certificates of family members in my time.
So what is the event that reminded me that I am here to try to give a voice to those who don’t always have one? To listen when they just want to be heard? To speak on their behalf and to help create a record of their presence in the afterlife?
I was working on my account on Ancestry.com and I decided to start to create as in-depth a family tree as possible for the benefit of, at the very least, my daughter. Particularly for her father’s side. I’m adopted, so that strips this kind of activity of all sorts of fun. But my husband’s side of the family has amazing stories to delve into.
So I was adding family members that I knew and I was excited to learn information about my husband’s grandfather who he is named after, even finding his grave in the Calvary Cemetery in Pittsburgh. Then I started searching for his grandma, my daughter’s great grandma. She passed away a few years ago after a terrible battle with Alzheimer’s. I was struggling to find information on her or even being able to add the date of her death. I found the year by going back in my own chats. But why was it so difficult to find things on this long-lived woman?
Then the memories came flooding back. Before this occurred, she lived with my mother-in-law for many years. Sadly, caretaking took its toll on my mother-in-law after all that time, so my husband’s grandmother went back to live with her youngest daughter in what was once her own home.
Now, I try to be magnanimous or at least diplomatic when discussing people online– avoid disparaging remarks. But in the case of my husband’s aunt, I will tell you that she is a real piece of work. She calls herself a Christian, but is the most horrible “Christian” I have ever met. Sadly, in my husband’s grandma’s extremely declined state, I know things did not go well in that household. And when the end came, these were the putrid words spewed forth from my husband’s aunt’s “mouth” on Facebook mere hours after our beloved Lenora passed away:
“My mother passed into eternity this morning. Sadly, I have no assurance at all that she went to glory, to meet Jesus as her Savior. As late as yesterday afternoon, when I was once more entreating her to trust Jesus Christ as her Savior, asking if she was ready to meet Him, she said, “I think I’ve been a pretty good person.”
Oh, beloved, what a tragic answer! Our good deeds are but filthy rags to Him, if we are trying to use them to gain forgiveness for our sins! Only the blood of Jesus, God Himself, can wash away sin! Only His resurrection guarantees eternal life instead of eternal torment!”
First of all, you don’t even acknowledge her name, only the possessive form of her existence. Second, who are you to claim you can see into the hearts of man and judge their eternal soul? My husband’s grandmother was Catholic and believed in God her whole life. That wasn’t acceptable to the aunt. Lenora’s faith was not zealous enough – church-obsessed enough. I was told by my aunt’s children once that I was going to hell because I don’t go to church every single Sunday. As my husband’s grandmother was battling her Alzheimer’s, this aunt told my mother-in-law that their mother deserved it– that the Alzheimer’s was punishment for not being suitably Christian enough.
All of that sad story was prologue to what occurred with the passing of my husband’s grandmother which was literally nothing. No funeral. No memorial. No celebration of life. No obituary. Nothing to put love and celebration of this mother-of-seven’s life into the world for all those who loved her to share in. It wasn’t posted in the newspapers. It wasn’t posted online. When my daughter was working on a school project and looking for family on Ancestry and googling her family members online to learn from their obituaries, she found nothing. It was as if this woman’s life had vanished… a flame truly snuffed out. And this broke my heart. So much so, that I went downstairs and monologued to my husband about exactly what I’ve written here.
A similar situation occurred with my uncle’s last wife, Sandra. I have been in contact with Sandra. I even have EVPs from conversations with her, but I cannot publish her story as my uncle is… well… let’s just say that his nickname Dick suits him. When Sandy died, she was far away from all her friends and family in an Alzheimer’s facility in Arizona. No published obituary. No online obituary. No funeral or memorial. There was supposed to be a celebration of life a year later, but it wasn’t going to be organized by my uncle. Thank goodness I knew her maiden name or I might not have found anything on her. I did not even have a concrete date for her passing, because the person who provided me with the information made a vague statement of, “she died over the summer.” I know her children from her previous marriage are keeping her love and spirit alive everyday and passing along that love to their children. But aside from her being a real estate agent and having once lived in Illinois, the internet provided me with scant few details about this lovely woman’s life.
I feel like a little Lorax for the spirits who come to me. The ones who might not have a voice to be heard. “I am the Lorax. I speak for the spirits. I speak for the spirits as the spirits have no voice.”
Lenora has not spoken with me, but I have been guided to believe that she is following her own afterlife path into the light and beyond. I had my own conversation with Sandy’s spirit. I wrote about this encounter because it meant a great deal to me, but I do not feel comfortable publishing it presently, due to family. But I have met numerous spirits throughout the years who cannot provide concrete information enough for me to locate them. Sometimes I get the right amount of info and the right posted picture and– tah-dah– I find them! More often than not, though, I do not have access to the “evidence” I would need to properly identify a spirit I engage with. And even more often, the spirit does not want me to contact anyone on their behalf. They do not want me to “move them on” or assist them in any way. They only want to share about themselves with me. They want to rekindle that flame of remembrance of them, even if I am but a fleeting stranger.
Our digital age is failing us more than we know when it comes to historical records. It should and has the capability to be the greatest tool for historical research we have ever known. Unfortunately, tools still need to be properly wielded and we are not, as a society, doing our full due diligence in recording our history. We as people are failing each other when we fail to acknowledge the passing of our family members. I know 2020 changed all of us and our view of death and how we process grief, but we don’t need elaborate funerals to memorialize a departed loved one. We simply need to tell their stories so that people can find those stories and know the person – a life, a heart, a soul. People have, since time immemorial, slipped through the cracks of historical documentation. It is to be expected. However, we should not be taking steps backward regarding this in this modern age.
In the end, don’t ignore the story a spirit might share with you just because man-made history has failed to produce documents to authenticate the veracity of said story. Their truth has value. And we must strive to keep the stories of those we know alive when they pass– even if it’s just a simple, old-fashioned obituary.
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”
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